


Stan

by brookwrites



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Amazingphil - Freeform, Angst, Crack, DAN AND PHIL - Freeform, Dan Howell - Freeform, Daniel Howell - Freeform, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Phanfiction, Phil Lester - Freeform, danisnotonfire - Freeform, phanfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2019-02-18 13:03:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13100709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brookwrites/pseuds/brookwrites
Summary: Dan was thrilled back in 2009 when Phil finally noticed him. But it didn’t turn out to be the way he wanted. Now, in 2017, all the lawyer can do is be a loyal Stan™.





	Stan

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Mentions of self-harm and sexual situations

All Dan Howell wanted was a friend. He responded to every tweet and commented on every YouTube video Phil ever posted. It would be fair to call him Dan’s YouTube Senpai. From his looks to his wonderfully original content, Dan admired everything about him. One day, Phil finally answered one of his tweets. Dan was thrilled that he was finally interacting with him. Maybe someday they could even be… Friends? The tweets picked up along with Dan’s hopes. Maybe someone in this world could actually care for him.

But then they stopped. For nearly a month, Phil didn’t tweet him once. He started replying more and more, jealousy burning in his veins. Then, he got a private reply. Hi, can you maybe not reply so much? There are lots of other fans and you’re clogging my inboxes. Thanks for being such a big fan, I appreciate it a lot! I’m sure you understand. :)

No, Dan most certainly did not understand. Why couldn’t he just be friends with Phil. Oh, he’d gone over the top again. Why must Dan ruin everything for himself? He could tell this was going to be one of those moments he probably would remember forever. And it was. 

Dan throws his briefcase on the table, throwing his tie off and crashing in his sofa crease. The 26 year old lawyer is tired, as usual, but he promised his followers a new fic tonight and he has to follow through. He pulls up his half-finished draft, checking the time. It’s 8:30, so he’s got an hour and a half. Remembering where he stopped the previous night, he smiles. It’s about to get good. 

Dan’s art is writing Phil Lester x Reader smut. He has over a thousand followers on his fanfiction blog, @ilovephilsmut, and it’s his pride and joy. Over the years, Phil’s grown to have millions of subscriptions, and his Tumblr fandom grew huge. Phil is everyone’s smol bean. Except for Dan’s. 

Dan just wants to meet Phil. He can see straight through the innocent act. There’s something deeper in there, and Dan desperately wants to find it. But since he can’t, he has to write about it instead. 

Dan types up what he considers to be some of his best work. His vivid description of Phil’s rock hard cock fills his with pride. Dan only wishes he could actually know what that looked like. After writing the word ‘daddy’ a few times, he feels his khakis tighten. “Oh, I hate it when that happens.” He sighs, setting down his laptop and walking to the bathroom. “So disruptive.” 

A few minutes later, he returns back to his sofa crease to finish his smut. Setting his laptop down, he accidentally hits the fresh scars on his wrists. He grunts, shaking off the pain and continuing to write. Finally finishing, Dan rereads his work, letting out a small moan. He queues it and picks up his phone to check Twitter. 

Phil’s made a Tweet: something random and cute like usual. Dan sends off a few replies and a few replies to all his other replies, then checks his messages. There’s plenty of hate because of his constant replying to Phil and his often horrific responses, but he deletes them and closes the app as usual. Before going to bed, Dan watches the note count rise on his newest fic. Proud of his work, he brushes his teeth (as he can never sleep without a fresh mouth), and goes to bed. 

The next morning, Dan wakes up to start another day. As sad as it is, this is the only way he knows life. Maybe in some alternate timeline he’s happier. Instead, he walks out of the house, his nice jacket hiding the scars on his wrists and a fake smile hiding his loneliness. Even 8 years later, all Dan Howell wants is a friend.


End file.
